28-year-old man is found hiding $77,000 from his fianceé while she was paying for pretty much everything in their lives, making excuses when discovered: ‘I was planning on showing it to you as a surprise.’

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Olivia Arocena • Writer and Editor
Jun 5, 2026 12:00 PM EDT

Can a relationship be salvageable after finding something like that?

Very few things in relationships are as countable as money, so when we do the math and the facts don't add up, we probably should go back to square one and reevaluate our future with the other person. Nine times out of ten, it's very hard to find a balance, and leaving becomes part of the equation.

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  • A person stacking coins on top of a table
    via Towfiqu Barbhuiya

    Male model representing the fiancé, stacking coins on top of a table, just like he stacked the $77.000 in his bank account.

  • My (F28) partner (M28) kept secret how much money he has in savings and let me pay for most things

    I've been in a relationship with my now fiancé for close to 10 years. We were high school sweethearts. Both of our field of studies are pretty high earning but I only do 4 years of college and an optional masters degree if needed.
    via SomeDeparture2907
  • Two years ago, he started a masters program in the city I work in and we decided to cohabit. We agreed that I'll handle the entire household finances. while he focused on school.
    via SomeDeparture2907
  • His field requires lengthy schooling. As a result, I ended up taking up the financial aspects of our relationship which I didn't have a problem with. I thought we were a team and once he completes his education
    via SomeDeparture2907
  • and starts working, he'll also support significantly (financially) in the relationship.
    via SomeDeparture2907

  • Some people approach relationships as if their partner were a vending machine that provided eternal support, and that could be sort of acceptable if those same people offered their support right back, but most of them don't, or it gets lost in translation somewhere in between all that energy exchange. At any rate, we shouldn't believe we are entitled to our spouse's financial support if that's never been an explicit part of the 'contract'.

  • He had a good on campus part time job so I suggested he saves a significant amount of that money to go towards his tuition so he'll avoid taking loans. We're both immigrants who are very debt averse
    via SomeDeparture2907
  • After awhile, I asked him how much he had saved and he had nothing. This got me frustrated and it resulted in our first major argument. He said he had sent the money to take care of his family
    via SomeDeparture2907
  • I still stepped in and paid his fees because I didn't want us to start our marriage in debt (dumb me).
    via SomeDeparture2907
  • He always told me he was broke and I took care of everything. There were moments I was struggling financially but I couldn't rely on him for support.
    via SomeDeparture2907
  • Recently, I realized every argument we had no matter how insignificant ended in him making it about money.
    via SomeDeparture2907
  • I decided to go through his phone while he was sleeping. I was looking for financial apps. I found he had a CD account with over $77,000 in it. I was dumbfounded.
    via SomeDeparture2907
  • I'm still in a state of shock. I've been crying so much because I feel betrayed but I honestly don't know what to do.
    via SomeDeparture2907
  • I confronted him about it and he made light of the situation and said he planned on showing it to me as a surprise - which I don't believe.
    via SomeDeparture2907

  • Surprises are a controversial type of gift, especially if they come after years of related hardship and efforts for the person receiving them. Also, as readers, we're well aware of the fact that if you were to be discovered hiding something one day, the easiest way to elude moral trials would be to affirm that you were planning to reveal it later as a heroic surprise. I mean, obviously, in this case, the surprise excuse was just that, an excuse, and life would probably be better in general if those kinds of surprises [assuming they were actually thought of as surprises] never came to fruition, and people just became accustomed to performing small acts of goodwill and cooperation every single day.

  • How can I determine whether this relationship is salvageable after discovering my fiancé concealed significant savings while I covered most of our expenses? Is the relationship even salvageable?
    via SomeDeparture2907

  • This betrayal is probably too high a cost to pay for marriage, and some plans are better undone even if that undoing comes with great grief. Of course, people can and will make mistakes, and who are we to judge if the parties involved forgive them? But sustained subtraction of what could be added to the relationship, even after watching your fiancée struggle to come up with solutions, is one heck of a 'How did we get here?' situation. Makes you wonder if all that effort put into the partnership amounted to anything. I correct myself there, maybe the answer was always right in front of us, it amounted to $77.000.

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saving money relationships debt breakup relationship advice
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